Episode 125 - How to Ooze Feminine Sensual Presence

Written By Mary Lofgren
 

  • Mary

    Host

    00:50

    Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to Come to your Senses. Today we are going to be exploring a topic that is so freaking high on the list of requests that come in for episodes on this podcast, and that is the topic of how to ooze feminine sensual presence. Recently, I was at the beach with some really good friends and on the day I was getting ready to leave, a friend of mine said you know, Mary, you're the only person that I know who prepares for a nine-hour road trip by curling her hair and putting on a pink dress and doing her makeup. And that's true. I find that beauty is a magical way to influence my energy, and really everything that I'm going to share with you on today's podcast is about that. You know, magic to me is that ability to influence one's personal energy, the energy in the world, the energy in another person, and so today we are going to use some ancient and very simple tools of the magic that we call the energy of the feminine. And I'm especially excited because today's episode is kicking off a series on feminine sensual presence to celebrate and lay a trail of breadcrumbs to an offering that I'm going to be teaching in September that I'm really excited about, called Show Girl Charm School. When I started performing burlesque 15 years ago, I had to think about that. It completely changed every single thing about my life, and it wasn't just the experience of getting on stage and taking off my clothes for a room full of hooting and hollering strangers, although that was a powerful experience. It was the embodiment of a certain quality of charm that awakened this ancient, embodied feminine confidence and awakened the ability to bring my sensuality into every single corner of my life. And so today's episode and every episode in this series leading up to Show Girl Charm School, which is happening on September 9th you can find out all the details at schoolofsensualliving.com. And so, without further ado, my friends, let us drumroll on in to today's gems on how to ooze feminine sensual presence.

    04:20

    So we'll begin with a story. Many years ago, I was working as a corporate trainer and I would walk into the room in the morning to a group of about 50 people and I was fairly new, in my first year and I would walk in there with the enthusiasm of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. You know, I knew that these people were there on their day off. Most of them didn't want to be there, and they were there to learn this product that I was teaching about, and so I'd come in and be like good morning everybody. And I really loved this product and I loved my job, so it was a genuine enthusiasm. But it was also laced with this noxious need for their approval and their engagement. And there was always one or two people pleasers in the front who was willing to look at me in the eye and smile and nod, and everybody else pretty much had crossed arms and a solid look on their face. But when I started performing burlesque and started learning about this quality of the feminine that is rooted in seduction and that is more about concealing then revealing, you know she reveals, but she reveals at the end of a three to five minute dance. It's not like she comes out and just bears all and gives all right from the jump. And learning that in my body through the movements of burlesque gave me a somatic experience for how to bring that energy into my life and my work. And I remember one morning walking into class and I did something that I now call the Queen's Walk. At the time I didn't know what I was doing, but I've now developed it into a method and a technique for how to walk into any space and really own the room, and so I slowly sidled up to my podium. There was a video playing and I sauntered over to the TV and turned that off and paused at my podium to collect my notes. And I wasn't doing any of this on purpose, but, as I recall it, it's like I hadn't yet made eye contact with anyone. And so there was this natural alluring, this natural quality of I have something that you want. And when we are conditioned to please or conditioned to believe that our feminine essence belongs to other people, the impulse is to just give it away. And in my case it was like giving it away so much so, over and over and over again. And when I would put myself out there and not be received, I'd just put myself out there even harder. I remember one time teaching a class oh my god, this memory is flooding back to me Teaching a class in Wilkesburre, Pennsylvania, at Ginetti's Ballroom and Lodge. The memory is seared into me. And my projector had broken so I had to teach the class without any visual aids and it was such a hard day of teaching and at the end of the day it was around Thanksgiving. So the puppy bowl which, here in America at least, is this version of the Super Bowl, so a football match where they have puppies just playing and wrestling each other and they televise it. And it was the first ever puppy bowl. And I got back to my room and I turned on the puppy bowl and I was so entertained by it I just started laughing hysterically. And then midway through laughing I was like, yeah, because all the energy of trying to capture people's attention and be energetic and all of that it just exploded into a pile of crying and it was quite satisfying release and obviously very memorable. But the reason I share all of this is because I remember the bone, deep exhaustion that came from trying to use perfection and pleasing in order to get a result, in contrast to the experience of sauntering up to the podium and keeping my energy inside my own energetic egg, slowly allowing it to emanate through my voice, through my mannerisms, my body language, my enthusiasm, from the inside of my center out. That to me is oozing feminine, sensual presence is when there is this quality of healthy, beautiful containment and where whatever is happening moves at the pace of your own inner metronome. Waving my finger back and forth as I speak about this, you can see and sense how, just even talking about this different experience of bringing my sensual presence to the podium, my voice has dramatically changed than when I was describing my folly at Ginetti's Ballroom and Lodge.

    10:29

    And that brings us to our first gem, which is seeing the way that the feminine shows up in nature and using that as inspiration for how we show up in our lives. So if we take the process of conception, for example, the human egg does not go out searching for anything. I think of her as the May West of the reproductive system, where she just saunters on down into the fallopian tube and finds a cozy spot, tosses a boa across her shoulder and just waits. And the whole time she is emitting these frequencies of come and get me and then, when sperm arrives to fertilize her, she is not at the mercy of which sperm works the hardest and the fastest, but she actually uses chemical signals to choose which sperm she wants most to fertilize her. So this feminine intelligence is how every single human being has come to be. We all, regardless of gender identity, have this feminine essence and knowing inside of us. If we also look to mating rituals in nature, such as the bird of paradise, if you haven't yet seen the bird of paradise mating video, I will pop a link to it in the show notes. It is hilarious and amazing, but we see this over and over in nature, where, even in plants, the feminine aspect doesn't do competing, doesn't do chasing A tiger. Lily, for example, simply emits her honeyed fragrance and the bees are naturally drawn. Now you might be listening to this, thinking well, all of that is fine and good, but there must be something more to it than just sitting there, and I completely understand that, and so I want to give you one small practical way that you can practice this energy of receptivity and allure and attraction in your day to day. So, to go back to May West, one of the quotes that she's well known for is anything worth doing is worth doing slowly, and I speak about this often in my classes is that people come to coaching with me and to this podcast because their biggest desire is to slow life down and not just to be less busy, but to be more present and to have more of their full essence and their full being in their lives. And so, in more traditional coaching, there might be examining how to structure your life to be less busy, or how to think different thoughts about your identity as a busy person, etc. Etc. And all of those are really useful practices that I work with clients on as well, but the biggest contributor I have found to changing my thoughts and my actions is to change the movement of my body. Our actions are a product of our thoughts, but our thoughts are a product of our nervous system. Our system is one really key contributor to the generation of our quality of thoughts. And so let's say, for example, you're conducting a meeting and your nervous system is most likely attuned to the people who are in that meeting. If you're on Zoom, if you're in person, and when there's attention outward, what tends to happen is that our speech, our thoughts, our body language, everything will speed up because our attention is not on our inner world and our inner environment. And so one way to balance the scales there and to reclaim some of that energy that is flooding outward is to take your speech and do a technique that I call turning the page, and this is just one of many tools and techniques that I'm going to share in showgirl charm school. Showgirl charm school is going to be a burlesque-based class, but even more than the movement itself is how to bring this sensual feminine presence into how you speak, how you eat, how you interact, how you walk. It's really how to bring the charm that you see on stage whenever you see a burlesque performer or a showgirl, a radiant, feminine, sensual being at play, how to bring that into your everyday, to tap into your own vortex of magnetism and magic. And so a tiny shift when you are in this meeting is that, as you are speaking, adding some intentional pauses. So when you read a book, there is this nanosecond of pause when you turn a page and this is why books are no longer printed on giant long scrolls less cumbersome to have a book. But also the turning of the page gives your consciousness a half a second to rest and open for new and more information. And so, to seduce those listening to you at the meeting, the slower and more deliberate and more paused your words are, the easier they will be to listen to, to process, and it will cause the people at the meeting to lean into you rather than trying to dodge a fire hose of anxiousness.

    17:51

    The next gem is seeking sensation. So someone who emits sensual presence, you know there is a quality of embodiment where you can almost feel what they're feeling. And in a burlesque act, you know, one of the things that we'll do is, before removing a satin glove, is, we'll caress that satin glove or move a hand across that feather boa, because what you are doing, your audience feels, and so you know, if I'm placing my hand on my ankle and slowly dragging it up the outside of my calf and my thigh, caressing a silk stocking, the person who is watching and admiring is also going to feel a hint of that in their own body, and there's something just so very magnetic about that. And so how you can apply this to your own life is, for example, when you step into a doorway. If you're pausing in a doorway, let's say your partner is brushing their teeth and you are pausing in the doorway to ask them a question, rather than just standing there placing a hand on the door frame. When you are on a date, you might take your ring finger and slowly circle it around the perimeter of a wine glass. When you are walking through a hallway, your fingertips might reach out to trace the texture of the wall. You can bring this into how you dress by choosing fabrics that have a touchability to them, like velvet or faux fur or cotton or satin, where there's just this obvious enjoyment between you and the texture of your clothing. Whenever I finish a mocktail, if there's a wedge of fruit like lemon or lime, or if there's a stick of herbs like rosemary, I will take that and I will suck the liquid of the beverage and just get that wallop of herbaceousness that comes from sucking on a sprig of rosemary. If you smell someone's perfume or fragrance and you say, oh my God, that smells so good, may I smell your neck. I do this all the time with my friends. Oosing feminine sensual presence, once again, is embodying that sensation seeker, that part that does the backstroke through a puddle of pleasure whenever she is engaging her senses. So if I'm leaning into someone's wrist or their neck, especially if it's somebody that I'm much more intimate with, rather than just taking a little whiff, I might press my nose against their skin and take it all the way in, so seeking sensation in order to fill up your well of pleasure and then emanate that.

    21:35

    And then, finally, the final gem is all about intention. So when I first started learning about these charms that we're describing today, I felt like I had found a user's manual to a lightsaber that I was not even aware that I was in possession of. Well, that's not true. I was aware that I was in possession of my own magnetism and seductive power. But my experience of using this lightsaber is that it would either turn on and singe the eyebrows of anyone in its proximity, or I'd try to turn it on and it would flicker and I wouldn't know what the hell to do with it. And when I started performing burlesque and bringing some of the charms that were inspired by that experience into my life, it was like I had found this reservoir of power and it was really fun to play with. And all of a sudden, I was given permission to flirt. I had never flirted before in my natural born life. I was given permission to be sensual, be feminine, be daring, and it was really fun. And in the beginning it was all about putting this energy outward to see what I could get and to see what it could do, and that was a very necessary phase of understanding this power. But there's a great song by an artist named Mariba and it's called Get Free, and the lyrics are I'm not trying to get by, I'm trying to get free. And what I love so much about those lyrics is that whenever I am performing one of these charms on myself or on another person, the woman I am today stands in the embodiment of that, because it is a passage to freedom to own my feminine sensual presence so completely that it is for my own and other people's liberation to see someone embodying her gifts in this way. And so, for example, if I'm voraciously inhaling someone's fragrance on their neck, there was a time where I would do that with the intention of being that girl, if that makes sense, like being a bit attention seeking, being a bit wily and evocative and not being fully embodied in my own sensual power, so feeling like I had to prove it all the time and express it and overly express it. And now I experience a degree of embodiment and freedom with this power that when I am inhaling someone else's perfume, it's because I'm giving myself permission to be totally free to be myself and for them to be totally free to be themselves, which is a soul in a feeling, sensing body who's here to get free. Which brings our episode to a close. And this final gem of typically, when we talk about oozing sensual presence, there's an attention on the outward effect, and this gem is a reminder that, as the person who is in possession of that sensual presence, it is your inward experience that matters the most.

    25:44

    And so, as you have listened to our gems today, and as you play and experiment with them in your life, know that today was just a teaspoon of what you will experience in the magic of showgirl charm school. And so head to schoolofsensuallivingcom, slash showgirl all one word to come and wrap your hands around your own lightsaber of feminine, seductive, sensual, embodied power. As always. Thank you so much for listening. I am always so grateful for your reviews, your subscribes. When you share this podcast with a friend, it is so incredibly helpful in getting it into the arms and ears of new listeners. So every gesture of appreciation is appreciated right back, and I look forward to sharing our next installment in this feminine sensual presence series with you next week. Thank you for coming to your senses with me. We'll see you next week, ciao.

Ever wished you could exude pure feminine, sensual energy?

From personal experiences to potent tools, this episode unfurls the magic of the feminine energy. 

We dig into practical tools for embodying attraction and receptivity, as well as my personal story of transformation from shrinking wallflower to onstage siren.

Come and explore the captivating world of feminine presence today on Come To Your Senses. 

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Mary Lofgren
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