Episode 124 - How to Host An Enchanted Dinner Party
-
Mary
Host
Hello, and welcome to the Come To Your Sensors podcast. I'm your host, embodiment based coach, Mary Lofgren. Here, we explore how to live bravely and beautifully through a lifestyle of embodiment. You'll hear gems to empower you around mindset, mindfulness, somatic psychology and neuroscience, as well as beauty, food, style, and the art of slow living to meet your soul through the senses. I am so happy that you're here. Let's begin.
00:50
Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to Come to your Senses. Welcome to today's episode, which is all about how to host an enchanting dinner party. I have been to many parties where we have eaten dinner and it has been a complete borefest. And I've been to many parties where it was an organized, executed evening of enchantment and it was an absolute scream. Now you might hear the word dinner party and feel overwhelmed and exhausted at the mere thought, and, if so, maybe skip this episode. It might not be for you, but part of my intention in sharing this episode is how to host a dinner party that gives you pleasure, in addition to you giving your guests an experience of pleasure. So here at Come to your Senses, you know, coming to Our Senses is really an experience of waking up from a trance and historically, dinner parties have been or could be an experience where you're putting all of your attention on other people and where you feel exhausted from the get-go. And today we're going to do what we do when we come to our senses, around something which is start from our bodies and our pleasure first, and allow the experience to be an extension and an expression of that, rather than the experience that's a bit more common when hosting a dinner party, which is, if you're like me, an immense amount of stress around preparing the menu and cleaning the house and making sure everybody likes each other and making sure everybody has a good time. Those are really normal things to feel and experience when your energy is so projected outward. And today's episode is going to show you how to turn that lighthouse beam of energy back inward, towards yourself, your own desires, your own energy, and once again have that ripple out to your party and your guests. You will still have to clean your house. You will still have to probably go out and buy groceries and do all of those other things, but once again, in today's episode we're going to talk about how to make those steps more graceful, more pleasurable and more of a holistic part of the process of your pleasure, rather than obstacles that you have to hurdle over in order to get to pleasure. So with that, let us now dive in to our gems.
04:16
So our first gem on hosting an enchanted dinner party is a bit of a recap on what I shared in the intro, which is that when we are coming to our senses, we are waking up from the trance of a conditioned way of being which usually ignores the body and ignores the necessity of beauty and pleasure when it comes to the creation of anything. And so coming to our senses is aligning whatever we're doing with a way that feels more natural, creative, imaginative and expressive to our own bodies and being. And so how this applies to your dinner party is, before you start thinking about the meal that you might serve or the cocktail you might like to prepare, where we'll begin is with the energy that you want to feel. So what is your vision for this party? You might have a very specific theme, like a 1930’s prohibition era speakeasy theme to your party. Or, you might be a college student who is simply inviting your dorm mates, your building mates, over to your little dorm for Toaster oven pizza. It really doesn't matter the content of the party. What matters most is the context, and one of the things whenever I'm hosting a party that I love to do is do a bit of a mood board exercise. So I remember when I got married people would say once you find your dress, everything else about the party will come together. And I was thinking about hosting a dinner party soon, and one of the things I saw was sending hand written invitations with a pressed flower inside the envelope. And so perhaps there's an outfit that you wanna wear, a flower you wanna see on your table, a meal that you wanna prepare or an ingredient that you want to use. You know I'm thinking of, for example, sprigs of fresh rosemary and just the abundance of the pleasure of summer. There's actually an episode that I recorded recently called create a summer of simple pleasures. That might serve as inspiration for a summer dinner party, and just that one sprig of rosemary could create oodles of inspiration for an entire evening of summer enchantment. So what that might look like is creating a vision board like on Pinterest, or I love creating vision boards on the software called Canva, which is a design software. You could just do the traditional route of pulling images out of a magazine or even just writing down words that evoke the feeling that you want to have and that you want your guests to have, to anchor in that energy, so that every choice and decision that you make surrounds that feeling and you lead feeling first.
07:48
The next gem is to start to think about what you want to be the climax of the evening. So, I think dinner parties are amazing when they're focused around the food and the meal. Personally, I am really more of an art lover and a story lover. When it comes to a dinner party, that's what leaves the deepest imprint on me, and so perhaps you want to hire a performer, like a singer or a burlesque performer or a magician, to come over and, after the main meal, you surprise your guests with a bit of entertainment. Maybe you want to enlist one of your friends who's attending the dinner party to sing or to share one of their gifts and step outside their comfort zone a little bit. Perhaps you invite the guests to each bring a piece of art, like a poem or a painting, not necessarily one that they've created themselves, but just something that inspires them to be shared at the table and to stimulate conversation. Maybe one of your guests has talent for DJing, and so you enlist their help in creating a post-dinner dance party. Dinner parties are this amazing opportunity that we have to connect the people that we love in an immersive sensory experience, and so a question to drop in around this is once you have that anchor of the energy, what is a way that you could present the embodiment of that energy to your guests as a gift Through the experience of the arts?
09:50
The next gem has to do with you and your experience of the party. So, your guests are going to be going on a journey from the moment they receive the invitation to the moment they dress for the event, to the moment they're welcomed when they come to your party. But what is your journey as the host going to be like? So I remember in New York, one year was when I was in my 30’s I hosted a Christmas party. It was a fabulous holiday party. It was one of my favorite parties that I've ever thrown. There was singing, there was stripping, there were holiday themed cocktails where everybody who came to the party got their own holiday burlesque name. There was a glitter tattoo parlor in my bedroom with holiday themed tattoos. The most popular item on the tattoo menu that night was a reindeer tramp stamp and it was just an absolute blast and gas and I had so much fun. And one of the reasons that I had so much fun was because I had the genius idea to hire a house cleaner as a gift to myself before the party. That was a really big stretch for me at the time, not even financially necessarily. I think it was a stretch in that regard too, in my level of receivingness and havingness to have the kind of relaxation that I was able to have upon the arrival of my guests, knowing that I wasn't exhausted from cleaning the house and decorating the house and all the other things that go along with presenting our home to people that matter to us. I also recommend getting really clear on what you're really good at and really clear about what you're not. So if you just heard a deep exhale, that's because my foster dog, Butler, is having some separation anxiety, so he's sitting next to me and keeps making all these sound effects that I then have to stop recording and delete and rerecord. So if you heard some heavy breathing there or if you hear some heavy breathing in the background, just know that Butler is our little cozy Come to your senses Support animal today. So focusing on what you're good at. So I am not good. Not good at cooking while a party is going on, like that is my nightmare. I wish I was good at something like that. But the times I've had friends over for dinner and I mean I'm just a disaster when I cook and it's something that if I was having six or seven people over for dinner, there's absolutely no way I would be able to balance that. Some of you out there have a natural talent for that, so rock on. But for me, when I hosted a dinner party, I know I'm really good at cooking. I'm really good at hors d'oeuvres, creating custom mocktails and cocktails for my guests. I really love making desserts and then for the actual meal, I have that catered out. Now you might be thinking, especially if you're French good God, what a travesty, what an American thing to do. And you would be absolutely 100% correct, because isn't the whole point of having a dinner party to have your guests over for a home cooked meal? Sure is. Yet if you know for a fact that the home cooked meal will be memorable in not a good way, if you take on that responsibility, it is a gift to your guests to bring in adequate support in that department. So another area that I feel really gifted and take a lot of delight in is decorating. So drinks, dessert decorating these are my zone of genius. Everything else I put in the hands of the professionals, and it takes a village, and I encourage you to source your village as you create your dinner party once again, to ensure that you're able to stay in the energy that keeps you in flow by doing what you're good at and getting support for what you're not. And one other tip around this is you don't necessarily have to hire out for these tasks. You could ask your inner circle for help. So maybe some of your party guests are some of your best friends and they're really good at crafting a cheese plate, or one is really good at arranging flowers. So maybe the morning of the party they come over to help. And once again, it's all part of the journey of the party, it's all part of the enchantment.
15:00
So it's now time for the event, and our next gem is about how to have the first part of your dinner party be a pleasurable and lubricated passage into the energy of the evening. So one of my favorite tips about throwing a party that I feel like I've read in Martha Stewart or some other, etiquette genius is to always have a beverage available to hand a guest as soon as they enter. And let's say that your theme for the evening is enchantment, an evening of enchantment, and you have enchanted surprises and enchanted foods to serve your guests. Perhaps you have a beverage that has edible gold dust that you sprinkle on top. They make this amazing edible, basically edible glitter, that you can put, and especially if you're making a cocktail with dark liquor, it really shows up in contrast and gosh like an old-fashioned with edible glitter would just be amazing. Maybe you're making a mocktail and you use some sort of berry or tincture or herb that has like a blue quality to it, like there's this blue algae, I think, or blue spirulina I don't really remember what it is, but I know it gives smoothie bowls this gorgeous blue color and you could add a little bit of that to your mocktail. Stir in a little bit of edible glitter and oh my heavens, mermaid charm on wheels. Now, again, I am giving you my top tier recommendations as a single woman with no dependence other than my foster doggy family. And if you are a college student giving a party in your dorm room, perhaps you're serving some lemon, stolly and tonic and you choose to take a little bit of lavender fresh lavender or dried lavender and crush that between your fingers and just sprinkle it on top of the cup. Charm is not only for elite, elaborate events. It can sneak its way into the simplest of moments, even a Dixie Cup. Another method that I use to help facilitate relaxation and connection is to have a phone basket where, when guests arrive, they can choose to drop their phone in the basket so that they can have a little break from their electronics for the evening. And some people might be intimidated by this and it's totally optional, but I think that, as the host, it is a demonstration of you asserting you are going to experience connection tonight, and this is an environment where I want you to receive the gift of that, and so I'm creating an opportunity for you to open to that. I think that is such a special invitation and for me as a guest, that would really help me feel like, oh, this is serious. I need to really up my game of awareness and presence and receiving the experience of being with other people tonight. Another way to help make guests comfortable is when they arrive. Perhaps you have Jenga out on the coffee table or some other kind of craft or something that people can do with their hands. For the introverts, who have an easier time connecting when there's something to connect over and when they don't have to just stare into the eyes of a person they're meeting for the first time, you could also have the flowers or the things that you want for the center of your table, out in a big pile. I remember before one of my friends weddings, she had All the guests arrive early. This was so smart and help with the preparation of the wedding, and so you signed up for different tasks that were appealing to you, and one of my favorites was the flowers. And so me and a bunch of other wedding guests, we got to bond and meet and create these beautiful mason jars, some of which were just simply baby's breath in a beautiful mason jar, but it was such a fun way to connect through beauty.
19:50
And then the final gem within the gem of ways to engage your guests prior to the event of the meal is to have little pieces of paper out and the guests write down a question that they would like to ask of the table and where nothing is off limits and it can be as racy or as simple or as funny or as embarrassing as you want. Everybody gets the choice if they want to answer or not. But it's a way for the guests to contribute to generating conversation at the table in an anonymous way, so that you are not met with all that pressure of keeping the conversation going at the table. Okay, they're now seated. Dinner has arrived. This is where the neighborhood teenager that you have hired for $20 an hour comes in wearing a apron to serve everyone. So, as the host, I'll speak for myself here. If my intention is anchoring in that energy of enchantment and presence and connection, I wanna have as few organizational and linear tasks on my plate, no pun intended as possible. So buffet style is great, having all of the items out on the table is great, but it can feel so luxurious to be served and there are children out there who would be delighted to receive a little bit of money to simply come around and play butler for the evening and allow you the relaxation of focusing on your guests rather than focusing on if they have enough water in their glass, et cetera, et cetera. And then, while the meal is going on, you have your basket of curiosity, where you can ask questions of the table. Perhaps if you invited your guests to bring an item that they wanna share with the group that's meaningful to them, like a piece of art. This would be the opportunity between courses. After dinner is complete would be a perfect time to bring out the entertainment, and it can be nice to have a switch of location for dessert. To have dessert be something a little more casual, oftentimes for myself, after I've been sitting at a table for a long time. I just need a change of scenery. I need to get up and stretch my legs and it helps me to move after a big, extravagant meal to digest my food, and so perhaps moving your guests to the living room to have coffee and dessert and an aperitif in a different location. And then one final detail that can make the party really fun and you could do this at dessert, when people are feeling a lot more relaxed is to have one of those. I think they're called InstaX. Instax, instax it's a Polaroid camera and guests can take pictures of themselves, take pictures of each other If you decide to have a dance party. There's just all sorts of ways that, once the guests are feeling a little bit more familiar with each other. This can be a really fun way to send guests home with a charm to remember the evening and place on their refrigerator. So my loves Butler just exhaled really hard I don't know if you heard that, but with emphasis that brings us to the end of our episode and I loved creating this episode for you. I love creating episodes for you. It's so fun and it's so creative for me, and if there are suggestions that you have for future episodes, you can always drop those in at schoolofsensualliving.com/want W-A-N-T. Share with me your wants, your needs, your desires, your questions, and I would be so happy to craft beautiful, inspiring, creative episodes based on your desires. And, as always, if you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it with a friend. You could even host a joint dinner party with some of your friends. Send it to a friend you might like to host a dinner party with. You can also subscribe, like and leave a review as a gesture of appreciation if you enjoyed the episode, and you can also give me a shout out and let me know how the episode landed with you on Instagram at hellomarylofgren. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I hope that your dinner parties are elegant, enchanting and electrifying, whether you are crafting duck l’orange or ordering a pizza from your local college town pizza joint, and I will see you in our next episode. Ciao
25:37
For coaching, classes, and community in creating a lifestyle of embodiment. Head to school of sensual Living dot com. There you'll find a free video series on how to reduce anxiety and intercept the stress response through powerful, confident, body language which. Head to school of sensualliving dot com slash confidence to watch your first video today.
When you plan a party and your guests arrive, do you ever feel a bit….resentful?
Do you look a bit frazzled?
Have you ever thought to yourself: “I’ve been cleaning and prepping all day. The last thing I want to do is serve you a**holes?” 🙂
Perhaps you never even plan parties for this reason exactly!
My friend, picture this…
You’ve spent the whole day of the party in a luxurious state of mind, pampering and adorning yourself as you prepare to welcome guests to your sparkling clean home.
The kitchen smells of fragrant spices, and decadent desserts are hiding in the refrigerator, waiting for their big reveal.
As you watch your guests interact, they are warm, connected, inspired, and you know your soiree is something different and distinctive; an electric energy they haven’t quite experienced before.
Darling, this voluptuous vision is more attainable than you think.
Today’s gems reveal how you can create a dinner party more delightful and enchanting than you can possibly imagine.
And best of all - how YOU can be pampered and enchanted in the process.
Dinner parties are an ancient tradition of pleasure and connection. Do not let this delight pass you by.
LINKS FROM THE SHOW
Leave a review of the podcast
Share a desire for a future episode
Learn more about working with Mary one-on-one
Follow Mary on Instagram