Episode 160 - Healing Through Delight: Embracing Pleasure As A Path To Well-Being
In this episode, we're shedding light on how intentional moments of delight can nourish our nervous systems and bring health and healing to our lives. From crafting luxurious experiences for both myself and my companion pup, to overcoming isolation through simple, sensory adventures these intentional acts of joy have been a much-needed balm for my soul during a time of great change. Let's dive into the ways healing can be found in the simplest of moments moments through the joy and embrace of pleasure.
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Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to today's episode, which is all about your favorite topic and mine pleasure. Every time I record an episode on pleasure, it always ranks very high. So I'm delighted to bring you today's episode about pleasure.
01:12
And this episode came about because this past weekend I was teaching a joys of summer retreat for the members of our sanctuary community. And this retreat is all about planning the simple pleasures of summer and how to layer those into our season, because it's so common to get to the end of season and think where did it go and I wish I had done this and I wish I had done that. And in the sanctuary we're all about slowing down and living with intention and listening to our bodies and listening to our desires, and so this retreat was really devoted to that retreat was really devoted to that. But whenever it comes to creating more of the simple pleasures that delight our bodies and nourish our nervous systems, what's more important than content? Then content is often context. In other words, I am sure that you know you have a love of nectarine and burrata salad with fresh basil and you might want that in your summer, you might like to go to the beach or tour lavender fields and all these things that we can do. But it is not always just the what that motivates us. What motivates us is the why, and when it comes to layering more of these simple sensory pleasures into our lives, of these simple sensory pleasures into our lives, just knowing that we should or could is often not a compelling reason enough.
03:11
And so today's episode is really a testimony about the healing power of simple pleasures, and it's particularly relevant to me right now, because I'm spending the summer in Northern California and I have a few friends here, but not many. And when I got here, a few of my friends who I had planned to spend time with either had to go out of town due to a family emergency or were planning on spending time outside of town. So I've had a good 10 days without any intimate friend connection. That used to really send me into a mental health isolation spin, and I'm almost right about there. Fortunately, I have plans to see some friends tonight and I'm going to my friend Bridget Boyle's show on Thursday. Shout out to Bridget, she's a fabulous musician here in San Francisco and she's also a listener of this podcast.
04:29
And so over these last few days and weeks I have really leaned into the support of pleasure to keep my mental health afloat, because I have a desire to move here and to create a life here. And, as we all know, change, even when it's good change, is still change and it is unsettling and it can bring up some of our deepest doubts and fears. And so I'm pet sitting while I'm here and I have had so many delicious adventures with this pooch that I'm pet sitting for driving through the redwoods going to the beach. I actually, each time we go on an outing, I make a pleasure pack for the dog that includes treats and toys and a regular water bowl not just a random Tupperware container but like a luxurious drinking experience and a bottle of water, and for myself I pack water books, my journals, some watercolors, snacks, and so it's like we each have our own little pleasure pack and we go on adventures. And during this time of change and isolation, it has been such a joy and such a necessity to have a relationship with pleasure, where pleasure is synonymous for me with presence, with feeling like I've lived that day, with taking those moments where uncertainty abounds and adding bouquets of fresh roses from the California garden that exists here at the property where I'm.
06:40
You know, pleasure to me is such a way to connect with the timeless, and for so many of us there's this desire to slow down, but it's not necessarily even a desire to go slower or to have more time, because if you're like me, if you find an extra pocket of 25 minutes, you might see what you can knock off on your to-do list with that bonus time. You know, that's kind of the way our human minds utilize time in a productivity-obsessed capitalist culture. But we won't go there today. What we're really searching for is not necessarily more time, but it is more timelessness, and so this episode is going to offer a few gems and pearls on how to create more of a sense of timelessness, more of a sense of ease and meaning, and more of a relationship with pleasure where it is not just a tool for recovery or reward but is an actual, essential nutrient to moving through your life. So let's dive in to our gems. And so where we'll begin is with taking stock of where we are, so on any good journey, of where we are. So, on any good journey, before we assess where we're going, it's helpful to know who we are, where we are and on this journey of pleasure, I invite you to just pause and ask yourself what are some of the current ideas and beliefs that I carry around?
08:55
Pleasure, and what I'd like to do in this episode is, as you've reflected on what ideas, what beliefs you may be holding around pleasure, what is its purpose in your life? What would happen if you brought more pleasure into your life, for the better or for the worse? Is pleasure worth it? So one of my mentors and teachers, mama Gina, used to say an unpleasured life is very easy to obtain, and that pleasure takes work and risk and discipline. And so is pleasure worth it? And these are all really useful questions to reflect upon, and what I'd like to share with you now are some ideas about pleasure that I have discovered in my nearly 20 years of exploring pleasure as something more than just a fleeting feeling of pleasantness, but as a boon for my spiritual life, for my sense of my authentic self, for relationship to desire, et cetera, et cetera, and I'd like to share with you a few seeds of ideas to plant in the garden of your own heart and your own psyche and see what blooms and if these feel true for you.
10:46
So the first is that pleasure is simple. You know, pleasure can often feel complex and very far away, particularly if you've had a stressful day or your kids are screaming. It's like if I were to get into a state of pleasure, I would need to go to a spa and get a manicure and have someone massage my scalp for the next 17 hours. You know it's like in those moments pleasure can seem so distant because in our culture our understanding of pleasure is so narrow compared to the full breadth and spectrum of pleasure that's actually available to our bodies. Pleasure is also free. Pleasure is a birthright, and I know when I first started my pleasure journey it felt like in order to have a more pleasurable life, I would need to have more money and spend money on luxurious things and luxurious experiences. But I want to also remind us that there is pleasure in a breath and inhale and exhale can possess tremendous pleasure. The feeling of cool water passing over your tongue and down into your belly there's pleasure there. The feeling of walking through a farmer's market and taking in the vibrance of summer fruits and vegetables, and the way that they are just fanning their peacock feathers in your face like beet greens giving you a big, fat runway turn. There is tremendous pleasure in that. And when I assemble my pleasure pack for me and for the dog, it's not super complicated things that are in there, it's very, very simple things. And so pleasure is simple, pleasure is free. And so pleasure is simple, pleasure is free.
13:15
Pleasure is essential to our mental and emotional health. So raise your hand if you've ever had this experience where you are looking in a mirror and behind you is another mirror, and so in that reflection you just see you, and that mirror reflected a million times to where it seems like a never ending hall of reflection. And I find that that's exactly how it feels when I notice myself scurrying through my to-do list like a chicken scratching at dry earth and thinking okay, when this gets done, I can feel pleasure, when this gets done, I can feel relaxed, when this gets done, I can feel freedom. And hey, sometimes that's actually true. You know, achievement and productivity is its own flavor of pleasure. So if you're listening to this and you're a Capricorn and you're thinking what's the problem, maybe that is your formula and your recipe for pleasure.
14:25
For me, there is a very distinct difference. Is there metallic, momentary sense of relief that things are done? Because, guess what, right behind that mirror is another mirror, and right behind that to-do list, as time marches on, is more things that need to be done. And so it begs the question is it making time for pleasure or is it taking time for pleasure? I was recently in a session with a client and we just kind of happened upon this phrase of making time versus taking time, and she was realizing that all along she was feeling like she had to make time for herself, make time for herself, and it just wasn't happening. And she realized that this shift in language to taking time completely reoriented her system towards what was required for her in that situation to make her pleasure her mental health, her emotional wellbeing, her relationship with her body, her sense of presence a priority.
16:10
And that brings me to our next gem, which is that pleasure elevates everything and and everyone in our field. So when your nervous system is regulated, the nervous systems around you automatically have a sense of orientation towards regulation. Pleasure also creates new possibilities. So I think it's probably an experience you can relate to that. When you are in fight or flight, you don't have access to desire. You know, fight or flight is a state in the body where our vision literally narrows to what's in front of us and where our only concern is surviving whatever threat is present, whether that threat is real or perceived, whether that threat is a speeding motorcycle coming towards you that you need to dodge, or it's a speeding item on your to-do list that you need to take care of. And pleasure allows for new seeds of possibility, creativity and new solutions to emerge. And really this is the whole mission of Come to your Senses is helping people regulate their nervous systems through simple pleasures and through beauty and embodiment to create more peace, more pleasure, more possibility and more connection on our planet. And so, with that, my loves. That brings us to the end of today's gems.
18:17
If you enjoyed this episode, you can let me know in a review on iTunes, me know in a review on iTunes. You can also tag me. Mary Lofgren is here on Instagram and I would love to hear about your summer of simple pleasures to come. And if you really want to go to the place where pleasure and presence meet, join us in the Sanctuary community where we practice a feminine flavor of mindfulness, center what makes life meaningful and saturate ourselves in beauty. Head here to learn more and thank you so much for listening. I will see you in our next episode.
